I really hoped I wouldn't be back here again, but here i am writing everything down.
I've been back from Canada what a couple of weeks? I was fine everything was fine in Canada, i was happy and didn't give a care in the world, that's the way it should be but since Monday evening i've done nothing but try to hold myself together. I have no idea why. I had a lovely time in London seeing Korni, It was then my cousin found out how i'd been feeling, He's the only person in my family who knows. I don't like to get my feelings out there, i feel if i tell someone they'll judge me inside and out.
I think telling Gary was a relief, but seeing his reaction to how i was feeling, it hurt me and i'm still not sure how he feels. =/ dude if you ever read this I'm sorry for feeling this way. I just wish it would just go. :(
This time i have no idea why i feel this way, In my head i feel that no one cares. Maybe i should end it all in a way. Not sure if it would be the right thing to do, it would end the pain that i'm feeling. I just feel that i'm no longer strong enough to cope, I feel at some point i'm going to explode and i'm scared that i'll hurt who ever it is i yell at. =/
I just wish this depression would fade, i want my normal self back i want my happy self back. I'm not the person i know. I'm not the happy person that everyone knows. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm scared is all i can say.
Love, it's good that you find someone to tell who you trust. I understand about being afraid of judgement, so talk to someone you trust. You shouldn't have to keep it all inside. It's not fair on you. And don't think that nobody cares, because I'm telling you that people do care about you. There are so many of us that love you and just want what is best for you. Please, don't do anything drastic. You may think that it will end the pain, but you're stronger than that. You mightn't feel it, but you're able to cope with a lot more than you give yourself credit for. You just have to find it within yourself, despite how difficult that may be. That's what your friends are for, we're all there for you.
ReplyDeleteTake care <3