What can I say....
I haven't been feeling great, well i haven't been great at all actually. I'm down, I want to cry and probably runaway from the world. I've forced myself to stay away from the self harming jazz, because if i start i'll take it to far and probably end up dying. I'm not going back down the route of overdosing I feel shit for doing that, at the time I didn't know what to do, I didn't have anyone to turn to and i thought everyone would've been better off without me.
I finally did admit to Korni and Justin what i did, mainly because if it happens again then they'll know i tried. Rebecca i haven't told you not because i'm frightened but because i'm starting to finally tell people how i feel on the inside when you read this please don't hate me for trying to kill myself, it's been a struggle from last year till now i'm starting to get somewhere and i promise you I'm not going back down that route, if I do, i tried.
Korni I love you so much, I never want to hurt you, you mean so much to me i never want to lose you. I'm just glad i'm still here because if i wasn't i would never have met you.
Gary I fucking love you bro, I promise you I'm going to get better or try to at the very least. I don't want anyone standing at my graveside beating themselves up because it was to late to save me, I'll never try to kill myself again, i've made a promise to each of you and it stays that way. No matter how low i'm feeling, I don't want anyone to find me dead.
Jys i'm sorry for not admitting you to about my overdose either, I don't think anyone will ever realise how sorry i am for trying to end my life. I know you're all here for me, i love you guys for that.
College may be a struggle but I want to get there, i feel more prepared this year, maybe because i'm wanting to get some where and get to uni and make something of myself, because i want to make people proud and show those who had every doubt in me that i got somewhere.
I can't talk to anyone else in my family apart from Gary, because I feel that they're not prepared for having someone who is depressed and such. I just hide it and say i'm fine i'm probably just good at it now.
I just want this depression to fade and be the happy person everyone knows, it would be good for myself as well.
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