Hmm...

I dunno...i don't even know why I'm writing this to be perfectly honest?

I guess I need to write things down and again. Maybe it's because I'm tired I seriously don't have a clue. To who ever reads this I feel sorry for you because it'll be all gobbledegook.

Today well it's been nice, My cousin graduated and well I'm really proud of him. But my uncle is like i want you to be the next person up there...cheers for that no pressure then? In myself I really want to go uni but i don't think I'm cut out for it. I can just see myself dropping out and ending up going no where :\ but anyway it's been a good day.

I see the Foo Fighters this weekend so it's all good I'm looking forward to it.
I go to Canada in 11 days so it'll get me out of this madness lol!

As for how I'm feeling... I've been fine last week or so, i don't feel to bad. Just still questioning myself, I'll get over that eventually.
The other thing is...someone who i haven't spoken to in a year mainly because of the shit things that happened well they turned up on msn list tonight i swear they'd blocked me, unless they've unblocked me just to have another shitty go at me and put me down again I assure you I won't be listening because you were the one that's practically ruined my confidence I hope you're fucking pleased with yourself?

So anyway like i said it's all gobbledegook just hope it makes sense to you cos it certainly doesn't make sense to me lol.

Here I am again.

So here I am again....

Writing my feelings down, like no one's business. I've put this on blogger, because I only want a certain amount of people reading this and tumblr isn't the place.

So how am I really feeling is what you want to know? Well I'll tell you.

I feel like shite. Some days I'm fine, other days i'm just down. Crying all the time, suicide, total depression. This isn't the way for a 22 year old to live.

I haven't told my family how I'm feeling, i've never approached them with my feelings. I just feel I can't talk to them about how I feel.

And I'm sure both Justin and Rebecca are fed up listening to me. Guys i'm sorry if i constantly moan at you both.

Last year's events are still on my mind, the hurt is still there and to be perfectly honest, i just feel that i can no longer be honest with myself and others. I care a lot for people but sometimes i should just stop because i'm scared of being hurt.

I feel like i'm no longer strong any more. Thoughts of suicide is just getting worse and there will come a day that I won't be longer here, it'll have taken over me.

I just hope i can sort myself out when i'm in Canada it's the one thing i've been looking forward to this year. I don't want to be living like this for the rest of my life, I just want to get over this but i don't want to keep moaning at people it's really unfair.

Just hopefully by the time i post my next blog i'll be a wee bit better.