I really hoped I wouldn't be back here again, but here i am writing everything down.
I've been back from Canada what a couple of weeks? I was fine everything was fine in Canada, i was happy and didn't give a care in the world, that's the way it should be but since Monday evening i've done nothing but try to hold myself together. I have no idea why. I had a lovely time in London seeing Korni, It was then my cousin found out how i'd been feeling, He's the only person in my family who knows. I don't like to get my feelings out there, i feel if i tell someone they'll judge me inside and out.
I think telling Gary was a relief, but seeing his reaction to how i was feeling, it hurt me and i'm still not sure how he feels. =/ dude if you ever read this I'm sorry for feeling this way. I just wish it would just go. :(
This time i have no idea why i feel this way, In my head i feel that no one cares. Maybe i should end it all in a way. Not sure if it would be the right thing to do, it would end the pain that i'm feeling. I just feel that i'm no longer strong enough to cope, I feel at some point i'm going to explode and i'm scared that i'll hurt who ever it is i yell at. =/
I just wish this depression would fade, i want my normal self back i want my happy self back. I'm not the person i know. I'm not the happy person that everyone knows. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm scared is all i can say.
